Why do people hate Jar Jar Binks?

Today for the first time in a long while I watched The Phantom Menace and I felt compelled to write something about what I felt was wrong with this film. But what? Well, what else could there be to talk about? I want to talk about that weird looking fish-kangaroo with spaniel ears: Jar Jar Binks.

Ah Jar Jar, everyone’s favourite Star Wars hate figure. With his stupid face, his stupid voice and the allegations of him being a racist creation, it is safe to say people hate this Gungan. However in today’s post I’m asking the question, why is there so much hate for him, he’s not that bad is he? Well to start off with, I have attached a picture of him just to remind you all of what he looks like (yeah, like you need reminding):

Jam jar jar binks

OK, so maybe that is not a real picture of Jar Jar Binks, but that’s simply down to the fact that the real Jar Jar wasn’t nearly as well rendered as my version (but that’s late 1990’s CGI for you, I’m afraid). However the amazing thing that I realised is that if you were to stick eyes onto those Jars and add a little pinch of terrible Microsoft Paint skills to it, it actually starts to look like him (well at least a little anyway):

jar jar binks paint

Getting back on track (and offering my sincere apology for that terrible drawing I just did) I would like to argue this: Jar Jar Binks did not make The Phantom Menace a bad film. The Phantom Menace was a bad film irregardless (yes, sorry I just used the word ‘irregardless’ please don’t hate me grammar people) and it was bad because the script and the storytelling were just simply awful. However, there’s also someone else (more so than poor Jar Jar) that made this film awful and I have no idea why he doesn’t get as much stick (or indeed more stick) than the big JJ. The person? Jake Lloyd of course and his terrible acting abilities. Who? Precisely, unless you are a big Star Wars fan or indeed Jake Lloyd himself, you probably wouldn’t know who Jake Lloyd was even if he came up and punched you in the face. Jake Lloyd is responsible for playing the terrible Anakin Skywalker in The Phantom Menace (that is ‘terrible’ in both acting terms, as well as in fictional terms as Anakin grows up to be one right horrible dude). Jake Lloyd is a lot worse than Jar Jar and you know why? Well because Anakin Skywalker is integral to all of the Star Wars movies from episodes 1 – 6 (as the character is in all of them in one guise or another), all Jake and his mate Hayden Christensen did was an absolutely brilliant job of screwing up the back story of one of the greatest (in fact sod it: Greatest) movie villains of all time with their terrible acting abilities. So thanks a lot Jakey and Hayden (although I will blame Hayden a lot more than Jake as he played Anakin in twice the amount of films and was actually an adult and presumably therefore a ‘more experienced actor’ in comparison to young Jake).

But I’m not actually going to leave it there, I’ve got another reason as to why I dislike the portrayal of Anakin in The Phantom Menace as well as in the other two movies of the prequel trilogy. Hayden and Jake’s acting abilities physically exist in real life and they can unfortunately be used again at any moment and at any time. Jar Jar’s acting abilities don’t exist in real life, he’s a CGI creation, sure he may or may not be based upon an actor in a suit acting the part and then being turned into Jar Jar on a screen, but all that would take time, effort and money. Therefore I don’t want to be angry at Jar Jar because he doesn’t really exist and I don’t ever really get angry at things that don’t exist because it’s just a waste of time, hence why I’m never angry at the Easter Bunny, Santa…or God.

Just one more thing before I go, Jar Jar also turned up in Episode Two and Three and were people angry? No. Did he ruin the films by simply being there? No (although they were still not great films, but you can’t blame Jar Jar this time). However, did people chuckle to themselves and go ‘oh my god that’s Jar Jar’ and then feel a weird sense of nostalgia? Yes, a lot probably did.

So therefore in conclusion, do we all truly hate Jar Jar? Probably not. Should we all be hating the guys who portrayed Anakin Skywalker in eps 1-3? Hellas yeah!…Or should that be Halla(s) yeah! (Star Wars reference FTW!).

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The above post I also posted on the blog ‘Matt’s Blog of Nothing‘. ‘Matt’s Blog of Nothing’ is my own personal blog which I usually use to blog on when I’m not talking about film and TV. It’s the blog I use to talk about stuff that is completely unsuitable to be put on this blog, you know why? Because I’m usually blogging complete and utter nonsense and Chris wouldn’t let me put it on this blog. Find it here (yeah OK it’s the same link as above, I’ve no idea why I posted it again). Now all we need is Chris to make his own personal blog and then you’d all get 3 blogs for the price of 1. I’m sure we’d all like to see Chris’ opinion on the world outside of film and TV, let us all peer pressure him guys. PEER PRESSURE!

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Bad things that happened in our childhoods that does not involve anything to do with something that rhymes with Poperation GrewFree

So as until my re-introductory post earlier in the week, I hadn’t posted anything on this blog for a long ass while (or is that ‘haven’t posted’? I have no idea, grammar ain’t friend no mine of), I thought to mark my return, I’d admit to you all some of my darkest secrets as a penance for my sins for being an awful blogger. And what are these dark and mysterious secrets that I am going to broadcast all over the interwebnets? Well, there in regards to the most shameful thing that we all own: Our childhood.

But what am I talking about? What’s wrong with all our childhoods? Well stick with me I’m about to elaborate. When we were children we all had our favourite things: Be it a book, a toy, a song, a parent (admit it, you did), we therefore all had something that we thought was our favourite thing in the whole world and everything else could go to hell. However, it is because of this that we all also had something so shameful, something so unbelievably shameful, that some of us still can’t admit it now and that was of course … our favourite childhood films. Sure! Some of them are probably good like Toy Story, Shrek or The Shining (who knows, you might have had an extremely strange childhood). But there will also be other films that you liked and some of them will be absolutely dire. Yet the problem with these films is that in despite of the fact that you can watch them now and realise how ridiculously shite they are, you just can’t bring yourself to dislike them, because that sense of nostalgia tells you that your 7 year-old self really loved this film and therefore you can’t hate it (although you can quite easily hate yourself).

So what I thought I’d do in this blog would tell you five films that I at some point in my childhood really enjoyed, but when I look back I just think to myself, ‘what the chuff was I thinking?’. So without much further dillydallying let’s start shall we? Here you go! Have my least worst favourite film from my childhood:

# 5 WATERWORLD

Probably the first time ever that Waterworld has been described as the least worst film in any list (and also shows that if this is the first film on the list, then this list is going to get pretty bad, pretty quickly), but anyway, unfortunately my 7 year old self really enjoyed this film, now I don’t know why, maybe I just thought at that point in my life after really enjoying The Bodyguard (oh no, I did not just admit that), I maybe just simply thought that Kevin Costner was the greatest action hero of all time (I was 7. OK!? 7!).

# 4 INSPECTOR GADGET

This was another childhood film that I sadly enjoyed. I have no real idea why because in truth it is utter garbage. I mean I don’t even like Matthew Broderick, and he especially certainly ain’t got no shit on Kevin Costner (damn it brain! Stop regressing back to a 7 year-old state!).

However, I will give this film one thing, its theme tune is as catchy as hell! But that’s quite simply negated by the fact that the picture of Matty Brodders on the film poster makes him look like possibly the smuggest man on earth. I mean look at him:

Can one man possibly look more smug? He looks like he’s just said ‘go go gadget cock extension,’ filthy bugger.

# 3 FLUBBER

Goo a little dance? More like goo and fuck off please.

Yeah I also liked this film as well and again I have no idea why. I’ve actually not really got anything more to say about this film, it is basically just Robin Williams making green bouncy lube that looks like fat people, so congratulations Disney! Although in all seriousness what this film actually is, is one of the rare examples where Disney made a bad film (oh wait no, they’ve made loads!).

# 2 GROWN UPS

I really enjoyed this film when it originally came out…Just joking I was 19 when this film came out and I absolutely hated it.

#1: …

So hopefully you have enjoyed taking a look through some of my childhood sins, but finally I’d like to introduce to you the biggest sin of all my childhood. One of the films I unfortunately really enjoyed the first time I watched this when I was 9:

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Have you got any childhood movie sins? Why not share them below in the comments and remember that this is a safe place, we won’t judge you. Honest.

YO MISTER WHITE

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“Who are you talking to right now? Who is it you think you see? Do you know how much I make a year? I mean, even if I told you, you wouldn’t believe it. Do you know what would happen if I suddenly decided to stop going into work? A business big enough that it could be listed on the NASDAQ goes belly up. Disappears! It ceases to exist without me. No, you clearly don’t know who you’re talking to, so let me clue you in. I am not in danger, Skyler. I AM the danger! A guy opens his door and gets shot and you think that of me? No. I am the one who knocks! “

London 1926 as you’ve (probably) never seen it before

So, in lieu of a ‘proper’ post this week – I mentioned why in my last post, but basically time is against me – I’ve decided to give a bit of spotlight over to this wonderful piece of film from almost a century ago. It’s a colour film of daily life in London, 1927, shot by filmmaking pioneer Claude Friese-Greene as part of his Open Road series, using a special camera that used a red and green filter (it also needs blue to be true full colour, though) which also managed to capture the natural, fluid movements of the subjects, as opposed to the odd fast forward effect most films from the time have. It’s a really special, vivid look into what seems like another world, where you were considered improperly dressed if you weren’t wearing either brown or grey and a hat. For best results, watch with some music from the time playing over it (the Bioshock: Infinite soundtrack is my personal choice), and enjoy this fantastic visual time capsule, beautifully restored and brought back to life by the BFI.

Batman & Robin: The Extended Apology

This is fantastic. While ostensibly a making of featurette, this video gathers all the members of the cast together to give some unusually frank views on what many consider to be one of the worst movies of all time. Batman & Robin seems even more hilarious these days following the Nolan trilogy, which were incredibly dark, and, you know, actually kind of good, so that makes watching the (obviously deeply ashamed) cast lay into their movie all the more satisfying.

Highlights include:

  • Chris O’Donnell stating they felt like they were “making a toy commercial”
  • In fact, any part with O’Donnell, who seems all too eager to completely bury the film
  • Val Kilmer smugly revealing a schedule conflict stopped him from reprising his role as Bats in the manner of someone who narrowly avoided being hit by a train
  • George Clooney openly stating he didn’t feel there was anything he could do with the role, that he didn’t think it would help his career and that he only wanted to be part of “a big event” (code for “a paycheck”)
  • Joel Schumacher’s directing style: “REMEMBER EVERYBODY, IT’S A CARTOON!”
  • A frank discussion of the infamous bat-nipples. “Anatomically erotic”, says Schumacher
  • George Clooney’s demands for a larger codpiece
  • Schumacher basically admitting he knew the film was so bad that he refused to make another one when the studio asked him to

and, best of all:

  • Schumacher literally directly apologising to the audience for the film.

It’s absolutely worth a watch, and bear in mind, this was something made to promote the film. They spend half of the video effectively apologising for the way the movie turned out, and at no point does anyone say something that suggest they’re proud of what they did. See, there is some honesty still left in Hollywood.