Posted on

Bad things that happened in our childhoods that does not involve anything to do with something that rhymes with Poperation GrewFree

So as until my re-introductory post earlier in the week, I hadn’t posted anything on this blog for a long ass while (or is that ‘haven’t posted’? I have no idea, grammar ain’t friend no mine of), I thought to mark my return, I’d admit to you all some of my darkest secrets as a penance for my sins for being an awful blogger. And what are these dark and mysterious secrets that I am going to broadcast all over the interwebnets? Well, there in regards to the most shameful thing that we all own: Our childhood.

But what am I talking about? What’s wrong with all our childhoods? Well stick with me I’m about to elaborate. When we were children we all had our favourite things: Be it a book, a toy, a song, a parent (admit it, you did), we therefore all had something that we thought was our favourite thing in the whole world and everything else could go to hell. However, it is because of this that we all also had something so shameful, something so unbelievably shameful, that some of us still can’t admit it now and that was of course … our favourite childhood films. Sure! Some of them are probably good like Toy Story, Shrek or The Shining (who knows, you might have had an extremely strange childhood). But there will also be other films that you liked and some of them will be absolutely dire. Yet the problem with these films is that in despite of the fact that you can watch them now and realise how ridiculously shite they are, you just can’t bring yourself to dislike them, because that sense of nostalgia tells you that your 7 year-old self really loved this film and therefore you can’t hate it (although you can quite easily hate yourself).

So what I thought I’d do in this blog would tell you five films that I at some point in my childhood really enjoyed, but when I look back I just think to myself, ‘what the chuff was I thinking?’. So without much further dillydallying let’s start shall we? Here you go! Have my least worst favourite film from my childhood:


Probably the first time ever that Waterworld has been described as the least worst film in any list (and also shows that if this is the first film on the list, then this list is going to get pretty bad, pretty quickly), but anyway, unfortunately my 7 year old self really enjoyed this film, now I don’t know why, maybe I just thought at that point in my life after really enjoying The Bodyguard (oh no, I did not just admit that), I maybe just simply thought that Kevin Costner was the greatest action hero of all time (I was 7. OK!? 7!).


This was another childhood film that I sadly enjoyed. I have no real idea why because in truth it is utter garbage. I mean I don’t even like Matthew Broderick, and he especially certainly ain’t got no shit on Kevin Costner (damn it brain! Stop regressing back to a 7 year-old state!).

However, I will give this film one thing, its theme tune is as catchy as hell! But that’s quite simply negated by the fact that the picture of Matty Brodders on the film poster makes him look like possibly the smuggest man on earth. I mean look at him:

Can one man possibly look more smug? He looks like he’s just said ‘go go gadget cock extension,’ filthy bugger.


Goo a little dance? More like goo and fuck off please.

Yeah I also liked this film as well and again I have no idea why. I’ve actually not really got anything more to say about this film, it is basically just Robin Williams making green bouncy lube that looks like fat people, so congratulations Disney! Although in all seriousness what this film actually is, is one of the rare examples where Disney made a bad film (oh wait no, they’ve made loads!).


I really enjoyed this film when it originally came out…Just joking I was 19 when this film came out and I absolutely hated it.

#1: …

So hopefully you have enjoyed taking a look through some of my childhood sins, but finally I’d like to introduce to you the biggest sin of all my childhood. One of the films I unfortunately really enjoyed the first time I watched this when I was 9:










(I am so sorry):






Have you got any childhood movie sins? Why not share them below in the comments and remember that this is a safe place, we won’t judge you. Honest.


About Matt

I'm a blogger who posts utter rubbish, visit my site at: or the best god damn film and TV in the world!:

Make something with your keyboard

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s